family matters

I have three sisters, and I’ve often been asked how we do it. How do we spend time together without trying to kill each other? How are we so different from other siblings? How do we have such an amazing relationship? Well here are 6 reasons why I think we manage to stay such a close-knit family:

1. Always be the first to apologize – as with a healthy marriage, I believe that one should never let the sun go down on one’s anger, and to resolve whatever is in between the two parties before going to bed, if not before. Being first to apologize in any relationship is probably a good thing. Also, there are three steps to forgiveness: realizing one’s mistake, repenting of one’s actions, and then turning around and changing the way of living so that it never happens again. At least that’s my opinion.

2. If you want to do something nice for your sister (and I suppose it goes for anyone), the four love languages come into play:

• Words of affirmation (words)
• Acts of kindness (deeds)
• Gifts of appreciation (gifts)
• Physical affection (touch)
• Quality time (time)

If you don’t know their love language, I always think it’s safe and sweet to go with all of them. Do a little something in each area. For instance, if I did something wrong that upset my sister, I would first, apologize (using the three steps to forgiveness) [words] in person (so very important), include a hug [touch], do something to change or fix what I had done [deeds], and perhaps go get her something, or make her something (cookies!) [gifts] to show how much it means to me that she forgive/forgave me, and that I’ll do whatever it takes to maintain a good relationship, even if it means spending time with her over my other priorities in life [time].

3. It’s my fault – instead of focusing on her flaws or isms that annoy me, focusing on my own short-comings and try to fix them. She’s not the only one out of step.

4. Being open with whatever is on my mind – if one of my sisters does something that makes me feel out of place, left out, under-appreciated or whatever, I let them know. It’s a horrible thing to store up bitterness. Holding a grudge against someone, especially a family member, can ruin a relationship, even the little things. Get it out in the open, talk about it, come to a conclusion, and if you’re not happy with the outcome, SAY IT! It’s not okay to settle for something that isn’t alright with you.

5. Honesty is key – I always try to be completely honest with my sisters if they ask a question. That doesn’t mean tact is useless. Tact should always come into play, but when I’m asked “Is everything okay?”, “Are we good here?”, “Is something wrong?”, or “Are you mad at me for any reason?”, it’s sometimes hard, but so very important to be honestly truthful with the answer. Again, keeping everything in the open is a good thing – keeping your feelings inside will only harbor a grudge that will fester until it’s near impossible to let go of.

6. When people ask me, “How do you and your sisters not fight? How do you get along with them so well?” I seriously can’t think of an answer. What’s not to love about them? Acceptance is the biggy here – for years two members of my family were barely speaking because neither accepted the other for who they were, merely looking down on them for their habits, hobbies, and overall way of living. A year or two ago they finally got it all out and asked each other sincerely if they could set aside the myriads of differences they had and simple focus on the things they had in common – most importantly, the fact that they were sisters. It worked, and ever since they’ve been super-close and totally open with their emotions.

I’m sure there are so many more imperative guidelines to maintaining a great, healthy relationship with one’s family (sisters in particular), but those are my top priorities currently. I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts in the future some time, but for now, that’s all.

M.fs

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