Shattered Glass

I’ve been walking,
On fields of shattered glass.
Floating atmospherically,
Wondering how long it will last.
Mirror imaging
Surrounds my inmost fear,
Flying noiselessly upon
The sound that no one hears.

I see light from above,
Look up into the night.
Around me there is nothing but
A thousand points of light. 

A shard of it,
Straight to my heart,
A little slice of paradise,
Cuts everything apart.
Will I ever
Reach the end of nowhere,
Or will life keep on passing,
Passing through the atmosphere.

I see light from above,
Look up into the night.
Around me there is nothing but
A thousand points of light.

sometimes the system goes on the blink

‘Cause you had a bad day,
 you’re taking one down,
you sing a sad song just to turn it around.
You say you don’t know,
you tell me don’t lie,
you work on a smile then you go for a ride.
You had a bad day,
the camera don’t lie,
you’re coming back down
and you really don’t mind.
You had a bad day, you had a bad day.

<sigh> Such reality. Today has already been a nightmare. :-P Starting with sleeping through the alarm: Some people, such as myself, believe this is quite the opposite of a nightmare, but really, however sweet and serene the extra sleep is, you regret it later on. As soon as I got to work (late, of course) I got a mouth-full from my boss. The self-pity and regret building up already was overwhelming, and of course, the coffee-machine was broken. Naturally. On lunch break, I sulked out to the porch to catch a couple more minutes of my book (Dorothy Sayers: Lord Peter Whimsey mysteries), when I was immediately interrupted by one of my managers. She said she didn’t want me to have any free time (she actually used that phrase) in a day, and that if I was done with lunch, I should get back to work, and if I didn’t have work, then she had things for me to do. That was bad enough, but then one of my co-workers came out with a message from her saying to read this huge book that’s about 3 inches thick on the history of the company. Some sort of report I have to write on it I suppose. <sigh> So I got to work reading. The book’s not so bad, only I know most of the information, and get this, there’s “vocabulary words” in it. In the history of a company? You’re kidding me right… that’s just pathetic. Words like: entrepreneurship, and Logistics. As if people don’t know what they mean. <rolls eyes> Anyway, I have to define each word in a separate document with the heading of the chapters, and… ugh, so much more, but I won’t bore you or myself any more  with it. Thank goodness the day is passing moderately quickly.

“think optimistically” “be passionate about your work” “be in control of your life” “be determined, devoted, and diligent in your work.”….. these are things I have to tell myself regularly at my job. The “3 D’s” help a lot, especially because a lot of the time I’m not doing all that I can, I’m settling for the easy stuff, putting things off, and not giving it my all. I know, I know… shame on me. I’ve really got to work on that.

So on to the rest of the day. Maybe I’ll get off work early, that would be a nice surprise. Doubtful, but hopeful… We’ll see. Let’s hope the day gets better as we go on with it. Moving Right Along…

“when you take a walk, make it worth it”

Is it odd to anyone else that I know how many steps in takes to get to the church down the road and back? It takes exactly 1,762 steps – I counted. That’s scary to even me and I’m the one who’s doing it! Now that’s scary… not like, “Ah! That’s scary!” but more like “Whoa, that’s scary.” you know? Well anyway, it is the perfect walk I’ve decided. I walk out my back gate and walk on the shaded sidewalk past many fences, until I reach the sweet and serene, usually deserted church. The parking lot normally has a bus parked in it, but other than that it’s completely empty. The strange thing is, there’s always people in the office buildings attached. No cars… people… strange. There’s a ball field at the back of the church, and my favorite thing to do is walk down the usually muddy and grassy slope till you reach three sequential benches. There’s one I always sit on, and ironically, it’s the only one that’s broken! The best thing to do is to sit there for a little while in deep thought, maybe do a little mental-writing (“the need to write when there is no paper around”). When my breath is caught, and my legs aren’t tired anymore, I walk a little further down towards the dugout, and walk quietly, meaningfully through (memories, there’s nothing like them), and then walk up each set of bleachers, and of course, slide down the railing of all of them – it’s a lot of fun. Then I amble slowly back to the sidewalk, and start back. In all it’s about a 23 minute walk, not counting the down time. When the sun sets just behind the ball field, a warm breeze is softening the crisp, cold air around, the birds are singing quietly, and few cars are passing on the street behind, it’s like a little taste of heaven. It really is beautiful, which is why I like to go so often. I’d spend all my time there if I didn’t have to work and maintain my house. Oddly enough I’ve never eaten a meal there, as many times as I’ve walked there during lunch hour. Perhaps today I will.

wrapped ’round my heart

seeing you through (a) cloudy glass
the only thing i want to do is ask
you but i can’t find the courage or the way
to tell you tell you what i need to say
now it’s making me cry
and i don’t know why

you take my hand and lead me to a place
look like an angel with the sunset on your face
we stand in the center with the world all around
but we’re not a part of it and we can’t hear a sound
it’s making me cry
i don’t know why

we say and listened to the hardest part
then the sun came out and wrapped you ’round my heart
feel like i can climb the roof
if only you would help me through
yeah the sun came out and wrapped you ’round my heart

“when you get a haircut, make it worth it”

Today I got a haircut, and it has positively effected my mood. For the better, of course. I love haircuts, they make me feel like I’m on top of the world! As each snip of the scissors released another lock from my hair, and I watched it drop harmlessly to the ground, I felt better and better. By the time the floor around me was covered in little pieces of my blonde hair, I felt fantastic, and with great satisfaction, looked in the mirror. I have to say, I look pretty amazing. I put my sunglasses on and headed to the car floating. It feels like I’m a hundred pounds lighter, now that I’ve had my layers lifted. My curly hair blew gently in the breeze that came softly through the sunroof of the blue Hyundai Elantra, and as I arrived home, was just perfect – meaning it didn’t look as if I’d just gotten out of the salon, but the hairspray had settled, and the curls had fallen into place by the time I got back. I walked into the house feeling upbeat and optimistic. Positive attitude achieved. Who knew a haircut could do so much for me?

Awake in the Middle of the Night

It’s Monday, October 19, 2009 at 1:45, and I am, sadly, sick. I went to bed at a good, early hour, around 10:00 I believe, and set the alarm for 5:52. Unfortunately I’m wide awake, and also completely clogged. My nose continues to mercilessly run, but I still cannot breath! The pressure in my head is overwhelming, and I can’t help but cringe every time I swallow. I don’t mean to complain, honestly, so I’ll stop telling you how I feel. Of course, being my unique self, after lying awake for about an hour – tossing and turning – I decided to head to the kitchen for some water, Sudafed, and maybe a cup of hot tea. The tea seemed too hard to make at nearly 2:00 in the morning, so I settled for a cool glass of water. I ambled slowly to my computer, picking up a box of tissues on the way. Once I started typing, I realized that I was cold, but here I am, such a trooper typing away. I’m listening to Owl City: Fuzzy Blue Lights, and it’s very inspiring. Oh, and for those of you who think I’m crazy not to just go back to my warm bed, the reason I don’t is because the Sudafed hasn’t kicked in yet, and I’d just be lying awake. At least this way I’m getting something done. True, this draft probably isn’t the best thing for a cold, but I’m not the type to give in to the weather.

Question of the night: Why do people get so sick? It’s ok, I already know the answer. But I’m not really run down, or stressed, and lately, I haven’t been in the company of sick people. Granted, it may be the seasonal change, but I’m not sure. Either way, I’m sick, and it sucks.

Ok, that’s enough, after Vanilla Twilight stops playing I’m heading off… again. I’m starting to get tired again, and this throbbing headache isn’t getting any better by staring at the screen. My soft, warm bed awaits me upstairs, heaped with heavy blankets for the weather change, and the cold. How does that saying go? “Sweat a cold, starve a fever”? Or “Starve a cold, feed a fever”? I can never remember, but either way, I think you’re supposed to be warm and full when you’ve got a cold. <wink> on that note, I think I’ll treat myself to a hearty breakfast when I wake up, but before I can wake up I’ve got to go back to sleep. Just in time, since Vanilla Twilight just ended. Until the morning!

Life in the Real World – Day 3

Ok, so here’s the lesson from day 3:

When life feels like it ain’t quite a “bowl of cherries”, and things seem to be in a slump, remind yourself that “Life is Good” as they say. Be optimistic, because whatever is happening in your life, I guarantee you they can get worse and better.

There, now onto what the day was like: Work… eat… sleep. Ok it was a bit more complicated than that, but I don’t want to go into the details, because that would be focusing on the pessimistic side of things. We want to be cheerful, optimistic, and bright… chipper! So yes, Life is Good, even when it’s not. <sigh>

Look to the future, and things will always get better. (I read that somewhere, not quite sure if it’s true.)

Pronunciation

Question: Does the way we speak have any baring on what people think of us? Does it affect their opinion of what we do? Does it give the wrong impression? Can it be a distraction?

The answers to all of the above questions are I believe, important. Yes, no, maybe so… everyone has their own answers. I recently came in contact with a friend who speaks with such a thick Southern drawl, that I could barely understand a word of what she said, even though she speaks English extremely well and has a stellar vocabulary. <grin> (as a sidenote, I believe the only word to describe a vocabulary that is extensively used by a person is: stellar”.) Then the very next day, I was talking with a friend who has a very thick Northern accent, and the very same thing happened! I struggle to imagine what each would go through if they ever met. <grimace>

The other side of this is, of course, do people think you’re stupid if you talk with a Southern “twang”? Some people say yes, some say no, but the fact is, with some people, one word can change their opinion of you. Imagine: you see someone stride into a 17 story office building, glide across the marble floors, each footstep echoing to the high ceiling above, dressed in an Oxford suit, Rolex watch, Brooks Brothers highly polished shoes, and a silk tie, hair slicked back, the aroma of his Ralph Lauren cologne permeating throughout the hall. He reaches the receptionist’s desk and casually leans on the counter. But when he asks for something with such a deep South “hick” accent… the impression can be fatal. The receptionist’s face falls. She asks him to repeat what he said, again… and again… and again. The same can be said with someone from the North, but I being born and raised by New-Yorkan parents, have a bit of a bias. I honestly don’t have a preference, I think both can be overwhelming at times, I think both can be very attractive, and I think both can come from the mouth of a very dear friend.

On the other hand, in any setting, when you’re holding a conversation with someone with any kind of accent, (for sake of example let’s use Northern) and you find yourself staring at their mouth, struggling to hold yourself back from correcting how they say “forward” (barrel, forest, coffee, chocolate, etc), then you can see how an accent can be a bit of a distraction. It borders on rude if you continue to a) correct them b) ignore the correction.

So, all that to say, in the last few days I’ve been thinking *a lot* about accents and stuff. I guess everyone has their own opinion, but that’s mine, and yes… I do say “chocolate”: CHAW-clit.

Life in the Real World – Day 2

Day 2, long day. Our boss is working on another project in the lab, which originated in a different country, so since most of this list is practically in a different language, we’ve hired sub-contractors to help us out. Now every day from morning till evening during business hours people are constantly typing away on the guest-user computers. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad thing, we can use all the help we can get… but they’re here ALL day! Today one of them stayed so long he ate dinner in the office. <sigh> Reality.

Today Dell didn’t get more than 2 phone calls from me, thankfully FedEx didn’t either. Business is running smoothly, and things are good. Life is good.

Tomorrow I await the rush of sub-contractors flooding in the office doors to get to the computers. They’re getting paid by the hour apparently, so I can understand why they get here so early and leave so late. Nothing wrong with that!

Actually, as a side-note, this morning I ran over to  to Krispy Kreme with one of my co-workers, and we picked up a couple dozen donuts for all the people in the office, and thankfully, it went over very well. As each guy came in they stopped in their tracks as if to make sure it was real. Now it’s a regular motion: Start the coffee machine and grab a donut. Finish it before the coffee is done, and take another. Walk back to the computer with both a coffee and a donut. <grin>

Life in the Real World – Day 1

Life in the “real world”, obviously misunderstood by most people. <wink> See with my job, it’s highly debatable that I live in the real world, and some people may say I’m apt to daydream, or believe that fairy-tales are true. <grimace> well here’s day one of living in the real world. I’m determined to live in the here and now, knowing full well that we are not in Hollywood, and reality is never counterfeit.

This morning I awoke at 5:30am due to the alarm. Why I have to get up at the crack of dawn every morning escapes me – probably because I grew up in such a military-like, scheduled, routined house. So groggily I got up, and headed (as always) straight for the coffee. <grin> My own creation is normal coffee with half a packet of hot cocoa powder, and a spoonful of Irish Cream. Some of my friends call it an Irish Java, but technically it’s an Irish Mocha. Either way, it gets me going, and it’s exactly what I need in the morning. Especially this morning. As soon as I got to work I found a ticket in my queue (Shipping) that directed me to call FedEx and see where this mysterious “missing package” was. <sigh> So first thing in the morning I call 1.800.Go.FedEx, and asked them where it was. After two more calls, (not to say I’m not efficient) they told me they were going to run a “tracing scan” for the package. I was impressed, obviously they were taking it seriously. Later they called back with the bad news that unfortunately, they can’t do anything else, and insisted that the only other thing left to do would be to call the shipper… aka, Dell. Have you ever called Dell? Well after three calls to them, I know one thing is certain: They have great hold music. <smirk> Thankfully, with their help I did end up resolving the problem, and thank goodness, we’re in the clear. Not our problem! But, I mean, with three calls to Dell, and about a billion calls to FedEx, plus followup calls with my boss, doesn’t the fact that it’s not our fault seem a bit too good to be true after all this hassle? Maybe, maybe not.

After another cup of coffee, I’ll be just about ready for the afternoon off of work (I wish), and then comes tomorrow. <sigh>